“I, for one, am and will always remain a practicing technologist. When denied my minimum daily adult dose of technology, I get grouchy. I believe that technology is fun, especially when computers are involved, a sort of grand game or puzzle with ever so neat parts to fit together. I have turned down several lucrative administrative jobs because they would deny me that fun. If the technology you do isn’t fun for you, you may wish to seek other employment. Without the fun, none of us would go on.” - Ivan Sutherland

I am in the market for a new job or contract work, and I am willing to travel and relocate.

Today’s job ads read pretty much like exaggerated Dilbert cartoons: I doubt that anybody in all honesty can fulfill those almost ridiculous requirement checklists. And most of those companies looking for a victim willing to marry them only say what they want, not what they offer in return. That’s probably because they do not want to offer anything in the first place and do not care about their employees at all. But you know, relationships ought to be mutual.

After the Dilbert cartoon, I will talk a bit about what you can get from me, and in return I will tell you what I expect from you.

I am as much an IT generalist as it gets. I am not specialized in just one area: I’ve learned several programming languages in my life and I can master more than just one brand of operating systems or application software. I know the Microsoft Windows world inside out, but I prefer what I use at home: Apple Mac OS X and other UNIX-based systems.

I am extremely good at planning and installing system and network environments, trouble shooting and problem solving. And although I am very technical, I have also developed sophisticated soft skills and can deal with people.

My CV contains years of international experience, including the most international of all organizations: The United Nations.

Since it seems to be a common perception that people working at the UN are bureaucrats that only shovel paper around, let me assure you that I am not of this breed and that I honestly despise bureaucratic paperwork, but instead prefer to actually solve a problem and get a job done fast and efficiently.

I can create a web presence for your business from scratch or analyze, extend and re-write that old legacy application that you have been using for years and that is no longer supported by its vendor.

I can upgrade and migrate your existing system environment or provide you with a support contract when that is geographically feasible. And I can plan and setup an environment from ground zero for you.

I can write that huge technical documentation for you that nobody else wants to do. And since I am a native German, I can do this bilingual.

What I will not do is wear a suit for you, sell hot air, exceed my budget or make promises that I cannot keep. I am a professional, not a Powerpoint clown. And while we’re at it: I will not work for banks or insurance companies, because I do not approve of their type of business and attitude. They are a necessary evil at best. And I will definitely not work in a call center.

As payment behaviour is very poor these days and since I do not give credit, I usually demand an advance payment of one third of the estimated total sum before I accept a contract or freelance project. You will also have to pay for all transportation and accommodation costs in advance. Pricing is individual.

For full time employment, you will have to pay for and actively support mine and my partner’s relocation and cover all travel expenses during the hiring process. Your benefit package must also include a full health care package and the usual insurances. I also expect personal freedom and space for development, constructive criticism and creativity in your company. If any of this is something that I have to negotiate about with you, then plain and simple you are not the kind of employer I want to work for.

If you are interested or want to get a copy of my CV for further consideration, please contact me. In the meantime, feel free to enjoy some more Dilbert: