Elden Ring: A Waste Of Fucking Time And Money (WOFTAM)

To give it a fair chance, I have forced myself to play this game for more than six hours. Which basically is same amount of time an entire Resident Evil 3 Remake playthrough takes when you’re not rushing it.

Elden Ring has the worst controls I have seen since the original Resident Evil tank controls.

At least from a technical perspective it runs well (enough) on the Switch 2. But that is about the only good thing I have to say about it.

Elden Ring’s only design goal is to frustrate the player.

You can take your “git gud” comments and put them where the sun doesn’t shine: Of course did I get past that guard at the end of the video. Jumping and hitting him while in the air worked miracles.

Only to find an empty and piss-boring world afterwards where everybody wordlessly tries to kill each other and nobody knows why.

Only one out of a hundred NPCs actually talks in this game, and naturally, they only talk in obnoxious riddles to pretend that there is some deeper meaning behind it all.

The NPC AI is among the worst I have ever seen in a game – only the zombie AI in Dying Light 2 is equally bad; enemies only get triggered when the player gets near to them. They don’t care if they stumble across the body of a fallen comrade of theirs. They don’t care if you are fighting one of their comrades unless you are within their personal trigger range. But they see and hit you even when you’re trying a stealth approach – because stealth simply does not work in this game.

The world feels empty and meaningless.

Exploration is boring and offers no rewards.

The game is bland, depressing and has no heart or soul.

Elden Ring gives you absolutely no reason to play it, because there literally is nothing in this world that was designed to make the player care about.